Why I don't do Valentines

Right there with you. I have made a particular class of mine look up the beginnings of Valentine's Day. As a teacher though, I dread this day because it is so inconvenient with state testing, and it is so annoying because my students are constantly pulled out to go pick up pieces of nothing that supposedly prove their parents' love. To me, it is stupid because if my parents had to go to such great lengths to prove that they love me, then what have they been doing the other 364 days in the year.

Even with Valentine's falling on a Sunday, parents are calling to find out whether to send gifts that Friday or Monday. Grrrrrr... I would love to be able to just teach my class. (No, they don't just do this for VD. They do it for B-days and all, but these are the same parents that b***h and moan over the price of a pencil and/or pen with paper. They can spend $60 on balloons and flowers and candy that won't be beneficial later in life.)

Wow... Did I just vent? LOL

Poor Wude though.

Yeah, I've never understood why people send flowers and balloons. If anything, I will buy a nice dress for my daughter, or at least some chocolate. That always works, too...

Yeah, I've never understood why people send flowers and balloons. If anything, I will buy a nice dress for my daughter, or at least some chocolate

DaVoH - Not sure if you are a dad or a mom, but my dad used to take me out to a fancy restaurant, just me and him on V-day, when I was a little girl. I thought it was divine and it taught me what to expect from a man when I was grown.

What is wrong with having a day to show someone (or someones) how much they mean to you? You do it all year in little ways, but V-Day can just be fun and special.

To me, it is stupid because if my parents had to go to such great lengths to prove that they love me, then what have they been doing the other 364 days in the year.

You're not really that jaded, right? C'mon, a parent can't celebrate a little day of love and be a good parent the rest of the year? Sheesh!

I am a father. I love taking my lil girl out to eat, it's one of my favorite things to do, if I'm not cooking something for her. I don't need a special day to give her good food. I enjoy eating too much myself to leave that out...

it taught me what to expect from a man when I was grown

What if the man you loved was unable to do that for you, would you go find someone that could? Expectations will kill a relationship, if they're not met...

What if the man you loved was unable to do that for you

I meant "make me feel special" sometimes - not take me out to dinner. It came out wrong. Making someone feel special is easy and free if you love them.

And you are definitely right - expectations will kill a relationship if they are not met, but maybe that is a good thing? I expect my husband to respect me and if he doesn't, it could and should kill our relationship. The reverse is also true.

:-) You have a lucky daughter!

Thank you very much, it's nice hearing that every once in awhile. I truly appreciate it =)

You're not really that jaded, right? C'mon, a parent can't celebrate a little day of love and be a good parent the rest of the year? Sheesh!

Not normally, but I think the overabundance where I work may have had that effect on me. (Sad, right?) I have never really been keen on Valentine's though. It sets up that expectation of something sweet being done on this day for no other reason.

My husband will show that he loves me and makes me feel special other days. He may not do much on Valentines, but on a regular Friday, I may come home and find that my house has been straightened up and that he has gotten my brother to watch our son while we go out.

That surprise and extrinsic motivation says a lot more to me than him feeling obligated because it is an obscure holiday that is not connected to the roots of the original meaning.

Yes, I love for him to make me feel special and do special things for me. (Of course, turnabout is fair play.) Yes, I love it when my parents do special things for me as well, same with my husband's parents.

I just mean that I feel that I shouldn't expect it just because it is Valentine's Day. That has never made sense to me in the first place. I also don't comprehend why it should interrupt my room for over a week while I am teaching. I also don't see why it is so important that those children have huge balloon arrangements when their parents cannot afford pencils nor paper and possibly cause an accident because the bus is packed full of those "important" frivilous pieces of "love."

I guess you could say that I have gotten sick of the commercialism and have detested it for years.

Awwww... DaVoH! Yeah, your daughter is lucky, but I already knew that. LOL

I consider myself to be lucky, really. She was born healthy and beautiful, that's the most that I could ask for in a child. Unless she had been born with a good paying job, that'd been nice, too...

I also don't comprehend why it should interrupt my room for over a week while I am teaching

This is absolutely understand! Teachers are already interrupted enough with endless ridiculous nonsense - get out of their way and let them do their job!

That being said, I guess many people need to be reminded to do something special for the ones they love. And, personally, I love doting on my loved ones and not feeling silly about it (V-day gives you an excuse to be sappy). But school-time is off limits unless you want to throw cupcake in your child's lunchbox. Yum!

Unless she had been born with a good paying job, that'd been nice, too...

Hmmmm... LOL You haven't made her get a job yet? Aren't you supposed to teach her responsibility? (JK Don't shoot!)

I guess many people need to be reminded to do something special for the ones they love.

Yeah, that does make sense. The school I am at will pull my kiddos out many, many, many times during a class period at any point to pick up these deliveries. Several of my students (primarily girls) have to make multiple trips during class change, and expect to use the first so many minutes to finish, transporting all of these goodies. Nobody warned me my first year that this was going to happen, and I scheduled a test that day. No, I wasn't thinking that it was Valentine's or anything like that. It was just the perfect place in my plans and curriculum for a test to land. It was a nightmare. I even had a parent that threatened me over the test b/c daughter did not get to even start on it because of all of the repeat deliveries.

I love doing special things for my families and even my kiddos and my own son. (Don't forget about my husband. He is excellent.) I don't feel like I need an excuse, but then again, my parents weren't really into the whole Valentine's Day celebrations. That probably plays a major role in my feelings toward the holidays. I don't actually despise the holiday nor begrudge anyone the "special time." I have just never felt that it was necessary. (I didn't really start to feel any animosity towards the holiday until I began to work where I am at now. I am sure that you can understand my feelings though.)

Wude, what a time to repost this. Just today I was looking for MY last years Valentine's Day "different" story and I reread yours...I liked it then, I like it now....

I'm glad you reposted it for others to see.

Hey ...Wude....

Here's to a "different" Happy Valentine's Day...

*smiles*

~Sara

Sorry Wude... I feel your pain man... I dread Christmas. Valentines day has an odd story for me as well.

Sounds like the woman forgot about the day herself. Did she do something special for the guy on that day???

Yeah, contrary to popular belief it is not just he guys day to buy something or do something for the lady.

Guys, as single people, please, celebrate Valentine's day. You're each worth it for yourselves. I always celebrated Valentine's Day for myself when I was single. I sent myself chocolates and flowers. And when people would ask me who sent them, I'd tell 'em--I sent 'em to myself. Most thought I was a little off kilter, but many were so surprised that they started the same tradition.

Never let being alone having the meaning of being lonely. Nothing could be further from the truth--alone and at peace is one thing. Lonely and bitter is quite another.

Wude: it's mean to toss the kitty and doggie out of bed when the gf moves in--you should've been like the guy in this Select Comfort commercial...

I should mention--this is my favorite commercial ever!!! Of course, Betty White's most recent commercial ranks a very close second... :D

In marriage vows there is the section about committing in good times and bad. I've been telling him lately that "Hey at least we're getting the bad times out of the way first up. It can only get better from here!" I am actually really glad though that we're hitting all of these life problems so early on. Its a true test of character and I can honestly say I've chosen well. Now its my turn to love and support him as much as I possibly can, and more yet.

somehow I think that if you learned something from the experience that helps you to grow and improves future relationships then your prime was far from wasted. And who's to say that those years of youthful folly are your prime?

In the words of the radical poet Willie Nelson...."You want to know why divorce is so expensive? Because it's worth it."

You know why men tend to statistically die before their wives? Because they want to! :-)

When you say death til we part. . .you don't realize that you are setting a goal.

The happiest time in any man's life is just after the first divorce...

The happiest time in any man's life is just after the first divorce...

That happens to als obe true for women ;-)

Maybe, instead of first marriages, we should just meet somebody and swap things, you know, like "You can have the car and the stereo and I'll take the dog and the lawnmower" and then move on and marry the one you were supposed to marry the first time.

. Save all the hassle of wasting your youth with the wrong person. :-)

The happiest time in any man's life is just after the first divorce...

Dern. I thought the happiest day in my husband's life was when our son told him to just leave him alone so that he could get his room cleaned up as fast as he could because he had to hurry up to get to Maw Maw's to take care of his new goat.

he had to hurry up to get to Maw Maw's to take care of his new goat.

lol, now that's country!

Yeah. My husband was so proud. Clean room all by himself, and he was only four.

I'd be lucky for mine to just clean her room, much less take care of a goat...

My son has always been very independent. He started trying to help out with chores when he was 2. He is turning 9 today!

Tell him I said !HaPpY BiRtHdAy!

Ditto for me, Lissa! My nephew too has his birthday today! Wow, lotsa young'uns celebrating!! :) *yay!*

believer only if it was that easy. What if you saw another man driving your car you use to own, while listening to her play with his stereo? Just curious. - laughing, goes to hunt down dkaz...

wude, I like Valentine's Day. It allows me to put a little extra "ummph" into something that's been there for over 20 years.

You guys and gals who have had bad luck in your relationships need to get over it like I did and move on. Don't look back. Look forward. And when you find that one that makes your days a bit brighter, give them that extra "ummph" on Valentine's Day. They'll love ya for it.

Now, are ya glad ya hunted me down wude? Bet you and believer didn't expect that, did ya?..................[laughing]

Thanks all. I'll let him know. I get to proudly claim that. I was like that. It is amazing that it can actually get irritating somedays. LOL

LKessler~ Tell you nephew I said "Happy Birthday!"

DKaz~ It isn't so much bad luck in the relationship for me. I really think it may have more to do with the fact that no one in my family has ever been that big on Valentine's Day. Yeah, Dad and Mom may have picked up supper when they celebrated so that neither had to cook, but there was never any flowers or candy. (Part of the reason was that there just wasn't any money for that stuff.) It never came across as anything more than the normal special time that we had. Time together for all of us was rare because there were so many of us. Plus, my dad never needed a reminder to make my mom feel special. Every once in a while, he would come home and send her out or to bed or fix a bath for her. He always seemed to be able to time it just perfectly too. I even managed to marry someone just like my daddy too.

Although, my dad is a history buff. He would always have us research a holiday's origins with him.

So, Valentine's has never been important. I never had any animosity toward the holiday until recently. (You would understand too if you had to deal with the chaos that goes on in some high schools. I never knew it would be like this because I was never in a school that allowed all day deliveries to students. In fact, I think this is the first high school I have ever been in that allowed them at all!)

Yeah... no one really got that big into Valentines Day in my family either. It is so close to Grandpa's and now my cousin's daughter's birthday, it has always really been about something other than the day of the heart.

I still wore red today... Dkaz is right about picking yourself up... it is easy to fall into the depression.... and it takes too much to recover from.

There was a lesson on that I learned a long time ago on Valentines Day, but I warn you all it is pretty sad, so let me know if you really want to hear it. If not ... I will let it slide.

I wanna hear the story, DW!

and like I said above--I've never been one above sending myself flowers on Valentine's. Nope, even single, I did it. And I always felt like a million bucks carrying my flowers home.

:)

Awwww... It's good to treat yourself every now and then.

I wanna hear da story 2, DW!!!!

Alright ... but be warned.

Ok, I have gone to some lengths describing my past. Been thinking about this with Hek'sarticle. At one point I was suicidal. The loss of my father via the telephone was a crash I was not prepared for, and finding out that so much of life was loaded with lies left me empty. And I crashed.

Ok... so while I was starting HS in the 9th grade, there was this boy who I would see in the halls and in my 3rd period Englishclass. I would come close to down right staring at him. And in all honesty, he did not turn me on. His girlfriend was a cheerleader, but not stuck up... sweet and would smile at you with honesty. He looked like a lump of flesh being dragged through life.

You couldn't see why she would be with him.

One Friday night in February, I had this dream about him.... and myself. He was walking to me and I to him in the hall of our HS. The floor full of that rising smoke... doors turning to tombstones. Then everything fell black. I never thought enough to get his name. I didn't know it. I woke up from the dream feeling like I needed to do something but did not know what.

The following Monday was Valentines Day. The girl sitting next to me was all decked out... hearts painted on her face and she replaced her real boots withvelvet booties with bells. This one was full of the school spirit. Over the loud speaker the name of a student was announced as "passed away" over the weekend (I am purposely leaving the name out). I did not recognise the name. The girl next to me began to sob... and some others through the morning was crying, or stunned.

some just passed on rumors...."I heard he shot himself in the face in front of his mother". And they kept saying his name... and I wondered who it was..... I am slow to the uptake most of the time.... The Wanderer

3rd period English.... and 2 people were missing from the class. Our teacher and the boy I stared at. We had a substitute, who said the dead boy's name ....Over and Over... until someone called her stupid and said "he is dead... did you not hear the announcement????"

Of course not..... and it never occured to me... This english teacher loved her students and she found out that morning that he took his own life.

Some were crying in the class..... I was numb and staring at the empty seat in the room.... the hole in the universe...

His girlfriend broke up with him the week before.... that was his final straw. She never smiled like she did before.... she became the lump of flesh pulled through life.

I don't want anyone to think, I believe I am psychic... I do believe there are those gifted. I believe my sub conscious latched on to his emotions.... so like my own.

I never want to do to anyone I love, what he did to his friends and family.

I once stayed on the phone with a friend (co-worker) for 2 hours just because she suggested she was going to kill herself.

This was not to bum anyone out... and I am not bummed myself right now. Just thinking back on a moment of consciousness

I had a similar thing happen with my best friend from elementary school. Aixa was her name.

I had not been in touch for years--but my mother and her mother were both principals, and were close and kept in touch. But, while in my college dorm, I fell asleep before class, and awoke to a vivid image of a clock with the time of 12:20 p.m. The time wasn't relevant to me at all. I did not have classes, I did not have exams, or meetings to attend. I looked at my own clock. It was 10:20 in the morning.

So, a bit worried, I called my mom--I asked her if everything was okay at home and with my sisters. She said everyone was fine. I was about to hang up after chit-chatting a bit and she said: "Oh honey, by the way, I just heard a little while ago that your Aixa passed away from cancer."

All I asked was: "what time was it when you got the call?" My mom said: "12:20."

I didn't even know she was sick... but, in the end, she let me know... To this day, I miss her... She never married, never had children. Died about 10 years ago. But what was worse? She chose to not have chemotherapy--she was terrified of it, terrified of losing her hair and just wasting away. In the end, she lived her life the way she wanted to. I like to think that she did her life her own way. And that's just as important as living a long life.

Freaky when those things happen to you, aren't they? And no, I'm not psychic either.

As for suicidal people, I like to remind them: "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary issue." And really, that's all it is--life is to precious; don't think you aren't worth it. :)

The only thing suicidal about me, is my looks... oh yeah! lol

DaVoH: that's only until people look beyond the suicidal looks. Once they get to the real us, they love us!!

Hey Lkessler! Once people get to know the real me, they usually get worried...

DaVoH wrote: Hey Lkessler! Once people get to know the real me, they usually get worried...

That's only because our friends want us to know they care... I let them know--care less... Care more when I'm in prison looking to make bail... :D

Wude121 wrote: Now I rarely ever get road rage any more. I just whistle real loudly.

Wude: I wish--I flip the bird... with a smile, of course!! No reason to be rude... :D

Wude... good for you... not many get the help they need... I can not afford, so I stop and take a breath... I don't drive.. still periodic rage.

lkessler... yes it did freak me out. There have been a few other moments like that... not in a while. I do believe in spirits. Today I saw my aunt all over my cousin's youngest daughter. I saw her face. She left us (cancer) 3 1/2 years ago. My cousin's daughter will be 2 in May.

It makes me wonder about things like spirits coming back. It is both comforting and strange.

I am sorry for the loss of your friend. In the end all we can do is live the life we want or hope to live it.

DaVoH: I am sure you look fine....

BTW everyone.... Dkaz has the Valentines out for your guessing pleasure.....

I am sure you look fine

Yeah, so fine, you'll wanna hurt yourself! lol

(pause)

Okay, I'll shut up...

DaVoH! LOL Just can't help yourself? Well, kisses for the late valentines. PS: I have to agree that you look just fine!

DW: I am sure that many, many people have had similar experiences. I have always thought of it as the mind preparing itself for a possibility, and we only remember it because something does actually happen. I dreamt that my paternal grandma passed away for quite a few nights for about three months before it happened. She wasn't sick at all. Not even so much as a cold. I kept dreaming of her in a coffin (that turned out to look exactly like the one she was buried in...) She was killed the weekend before Easter, and it was the weekend I was supposed to spend with them.

LKessler: Sorry to hear that. I agree that a lot of people have somewhat similar situations of dreaming about something or just knowing that something is going to happen. I don't know what to label it as either. Take care!

Hey Lissa, happy belated Valentine's to you, too, mwah!

I have to agree that you look just fine!

Fine as hair on a frog's ass, lol

Thanks, DaVoH!

You're welcome, Lissa, anytime...

;) That's good to know.

Thanks Lisa =)

Hey I was sort of inspired by the "I don't do Valentines" theme here and posted an article on songs that had enough with love or the way it can burn sometimes..

Oh. Cool. I am going to have to check that one out! Thanks, DW.

The best Valentines gift, should you choose to celebrate, is for both of you cook dinner at home, watch a movie, spend some downtime ignoring the outside world.

That does sound wonderful!

I do also like your suggestions for those that feel lonely, but that should be something that is not only reserved for one particular day each year.

........her female friends who would say "aint no body working that late".

Hey, that song gets around...That was the first chorus of

"My Second Swan Song" Did your ex wife have any "friends" in NYC?

But nothin' wrong with marriage...You always "think" u picked "a winner" this time...and ur always right too...She always wins half....So u keep pickin' winners till neither one can remember what u own...or where the car keys are...and that's when u achieve eternal marital bliss. Life is Good....sooner or later.

or where the car keys are

Well, I ride to work with Mom so we can save gas. My husband keeps our car, and I just haven't had mush use for them. I just can't remember where I put those darn things. Sad thing is that they are on a the strap necklace from the Army. (Don't we all just love those recruiters that come and visit high schools...) Anyway, they resemble this wad of keys because I also have everyone's house key on them.

Eeep! I am rambling again.

Wait. Does that mean I have acheived marital bliss? I thought that all the good sexin' and wrestling matches equalled up to that. Dang it. I just can't get it right. LOL

Have a great Friday!!!!!

Eeep! I am rambling again.

Ramblin' Rose...Ramblin' Rose....Where her keys are?....heaven knows.....

Does that mean I have acheived marital bliss? I thought that all the good sexin' and wrestling matches equalled up to that. Dang it. I just can't get it right. LOL

It is that, Rose...All provided one of you doesn't declare yourself "the winner"....and decide to move on.

.Play Wink

Awwww... Thanks, GP! I enjoyed the poem. I did find my keys over the weekend... while I was washing my sheets. They were right next to my bed on the floor.

I don't guess there are any winners, but I just love playing!

I don't guess there are any winners, but I just love playing!

"Many a tear has to fall...but it's all...in the game..."[Tommy Edwards]

As they say, Rose ..."Life is not a spectator sport" and there's always "next season".

Thanks for the quote. I am going to add it to my board! Nope, it is not a spectator sport, and I love to have fun!

and I love to have fun!

Then u will...

Good girl.!.

That's a good attitude...for life

I've enjoyed my mom's attitude. We will probably get it engraved on her memorial stone. (She doesn't want to be buried.) "You can sleep once you die."

Just another of too many commercial holidays. I show my love for my wife and daughter everyday, not because someone picked a day to gig me for junk. Pure racketeering.

I put these feelings aside and do a little something special for them to meet societal requirements, but it pisses me off to no end all the same.

vd is uncomfortable, and for most, uncurable.

Soosalah: I encourage you to read it. It's a little uneven, granted, but it's so from the heart.

Wude: so incredibly unappreciative to treat the gift at the time like garbage, and for her to actually take it with her when it came time to leave--well, it just boggles the mind!

As for your ex--she didn't know how good she had it. And don't worry--my husband has never placed too much significance on Valentine's Day, and I've learned to live with that. It doesn't make a man careless or less loving. Focus on what they do day to day--that's far more important...

Congrats--I think in the divorce, you got the bigger bargain: your life back!!

wude wrote: LK it surprised me too, when the woman left she even took the kitchen table....btw I made one just like it, just for spite.

Just like a stupid woman who's looking to hit where it hurts--take the kitchen table.

But hey, I hope you didn't take it personally. It's not like you need a table to eat--I eat on my couch most days...

My husband built our kitchen table and I tell ya, it never gets used!! *I don't know why we have it...* :) Instead, it's home to all of the junk and mail and purses and coats. Are we sad or what??

PS. As for the replica--I bet it's more beautiful than the one she took. Ooh, we should post pictures of our kitchen tables, if they're made by someone we know (and I don't mean Ethan Allen!! *lmao!*).

Checkmate--gee, when you put it that way...

I guess I shouldn't accept anything I get--assuming I get anything!! :0

Sorry, I don't do a cheap holiday where you are supposed to express love on a specific day with a loved one as opposed to expressing love during the other days.

Checkmate-983933 -

Just because something is not important to you doesn't mean it is not important to someone else (perhaps the person you love).

FYI - Valentines Day isn't supposed to be about making YOU feel special, but YOU making your loved ones feel special.

How silly to say you will NEVER celebrate the holiday. What if it really just made your lover's day? Too bad for them? Well, then, I tend to believe that attitude carries over to other areas as well. Don't be surprised if you lover ends up with someone a little more willing to "take one for the team".

No, I meant it just to me.

When you run into the guys that I have, they are only looking for one thing and I am not going to base a relationship just on sex. Note, that is only the guys that I have met. I am not saying every guy is like that.

Tried to make others happy on Valentine's Day. Got rejected. Could care less about the holiday. When you are nice to people, and give them a card or something, and they either tear up the card, flip you off, don't even bother thanking you and then ignore you and don't bother giving you an explanation for their reaction. . .You really would think that the holiday is a waste. Again, those are with the people (men & women) that I was friends/boyfriends with. The main word there is 'was.'

I have always been a giver, but when you give something and get nothing in return, not even a thank you or any sign of gratitude, you get tired of it.

Wude wrote: But sex is important in a relationship, generally speaking it is where the two, do become one.

Ask me about that. My baby knows all about 2 people becoming one--inside his/her mom's tummy at the moment--of course, the baby will continue to bake at least through mid-summer. ;)

What happens when lifelong friends marry? Nah, not higher expectations--if anything, lower--because you know each other so well, you know what you can expect (or not expect). But that's just my .17 (.05 opinion, .03 increased inflation, .09 still accounting for that bailout...) ;)

But sex is important in a relationship, generally speaking it is where the two, do become one.

Yeah, it is important to a relationship, but it shouldn't just be the only reason why you are in a relationship. You share common interests, etc. Unfortunatley, the guys that I have met prefer to have sex on the first date or sex all the time. I don't know these guys well enough and they don't seem to care to know about me. I have a bad past and if a guy is willing to respect my past, that is great. For the most part, most of them don't or are not interested to know about my past and the reason for why I am who I am. You try to explain to them, but they are not interested.

I already had 3 friends who fell in love with someone that they barely knew, 2 got married, and one almost got killed because they didn't know that the guy was abusive, drunk, etc. All 3 were abused by their boyfriend/husbands. When I asked them what they saw in the guys, they just brought up that the sex was good (one mentioned that he had a job, but also said the sex was good). They can't think of anything else.

That is one of the reasons why I would like to know someone for some time.